Head daze

I'm so confuse these days. I want people to back off and let me be alone and just read books or watch serial all day but about the same time i want to work. At the same time, i want to forget the whole thing and sleep. But if i sleep i feel like i'm wasting time. 

I feel like I'm obsessed with going forward but scared too. It's like driving a car, but 1 second i hit the gas, revving the engine, and then when it lurched forward I immediately hit the brakes. I feel like i'm doin this to my life, over and over, many times in a day, and by 5 pm I'd be so exhausted.

My mind is full with noises. My heart races. Thoughts running amok. i can't finish any line of thought, because with each one, 3 other pop out. I'm not always this jittery. Maybe i do. Don't know. Don't remember.

So many times this past few weeks, i found my self walking to one direction and then changed course, about 10 steps later i changed my direction again. My body reacted as fast as my thoughts.

What's going on? 

Nothing and so many things at the same time. Does that make sense? 

I really need to learn how to meditate. Quiet my mind. They are too restless and it's making me feel feverish. literally.

Weird, weird. 

I feel like i'm going to ride something big. I feel like my life is about to change, big time. And i'm scared, but ready, but scared. Anxious. 

Breathe nin. Breathe. 

I shall do this, in God. 

In God, i'm enabled.

Amin!