Scary Dreams

No i don't have nightmares again. I haven't have any since we paid off our tax (Thank God!). On the contrary, i have a huge dream that scares the hell out of me. I want to make a week of inspiration camp. For girls and women. Later i will make for boys and men too. But my first move will be to create this international gatherings of girls and women where we learn from each other. I have this dream for so long but i haven't got the guts to make it happen. But i'm making it happen now. I call it Aprilis Conference. It will be held in The Kasablanka, 29 April 2017. 

Yes, it's only a day. But i will start with a day. I want this so bad that i literally dream about it at night. Apcon is the nickname that people give this event. People who? People that i've told this idea to. I have trouble eating and i find my self in steve job's mode. Translation : wearing the same outfit everyday, hmm but not the turtleneck and the straight leg blue jeans. I am wearing black t-shirt and black skinny jeans almost everyday. Only when i'm meeting people, i will put on an outer or a proper shirt over my t-shirt. I'm focusing but in the same time also feeling that my mind is racing all the time. With scenarios and worries, and ideas, and everything else.

To ensure that i don't break down like the last time, i make time to meet friends more often. Specially entrepreneur friends. They are the most understanding bunch when it comes to these things. Just being around them comforts me. I know that's weird. I've also gone out of my comfort zone to start hanging out with new people. Still in the entrepreneurial scope, but, hey this is huge for me. I'm having a little anxiety attack just thinking about it. 

My best friend just took off to Cambodia, alone, backpacking. I envy her, but with everything that's going on, i'm pretty much nailed to my city. Too many projects, too little time. 

I'm also in the middle of pitching our new ideas to advertisers. Everyone in the company are on edge. I had a tearful argument with my sister last week. We are scared and frustrated, but we ended the day in good terms. It's been a while since we actually fought because of work, but it's very understandable why it happened. The stakes are high and we haven't make much progress just yet. It's been too much, and we are just really tense.

Soon i will be able to share the things that we've been working on, but not just yet. 

I'm tired even though i haven't done much physically. Actually i haven't done anything physical since my pilates studio closed down. Maybe that's why.

I know that we are going to make it, it's just a bit scary right now. But hey, that's how it's supposed to be. I need to scare my self shit like this all the time, because that means i'm insane enough to think big. I think, i need to hang out with even more with batshit-crazy people, so that some of those impossible dreams i have would seems juvenile next to theirs. This usually motivates and calms me at the same time. 

By the way, i have some exciting news. I have been asked to give commencement speech at my almamater. I've always wanted to do that. I still don't know what i'm going to say, but yaayyyy! 

alright, i better do some research on how to give commencement speech, cuz if it's up to me, i'd asked the graduates to take a we-fie and be done with it :)