A Weird Breakdown

Ok yesterday was scary. 

I was in the car when i started to feel like it's so heavy to breathe. Then i feel totaly weak. Like it's even so hard to lift my head. Then i feel like i want to throw up, my chest hurts and my hand & feet were shaking. In a few minutes, my breathing became harder and harder. I began to feel scared. I didn't know what was going on with me. 

I told my driver to turn the car to the office. I WA my sister and my husband, they think i was just tired and stressed. They told me to go home and rest. But i can't breathe and i told Anita to please come down, i'm waiting in the car and i needed help. 

She didn't think i was serious, so it took her a while to get to my car. She was shocked to see that i couldn't talk by the time she saw me. She rushed me to Siloam ER and called my husband.

I was so embarassed. I hate weakness. I hate that i was so weak that i couldn't even speak. The ER was full but I was the only one under 60 that have old people symptoms. So embarassing. 

As i was waiting, i tried to think about what might caused this. I didn't eat or drink anything out of the ordinary. I drank my usual kale juice that i have been drinking for 1,5 years, i ate my favorite mie ayam at subscribe, that was it. Heart attack? Unlikely. I've been leading an active life. Not to mention i drink vegetable juice 2x a day. I don't eat greasy food. 

Man, why can't i breathe? 

The nurse and doctors worked fast. They checked everything, took my EKG, etc. Not long after that, they said, i had GERD. The gas and acid were the causes why i can't breathe, plus chest, and throat ache were consistent with GERD. They think i ate something that's way too gassy or it was triggered by psychological strain. Shit! I hated hearing that. You see, when i was a kid, my mother would frequent the ER and the doctor always told me she was depressed. I had sworn so many times, that will never be me. I'm strong, much stronger than her. I will never let my self get sick because of life problems. 

When the doctor left, my sister looked at me and said, "I think you are stronger than what he said, so it must be something you ate."

"Well, i did had coffee not long before the kale juice. Maybe that was not a good idea. I mean, i'm used to it, but maybe because i haven't been fit since friday, this time that combo causes the gas to build up and i can't withstand them."

Anita said, "yeah, but the whole thing made me feel that we really should start to schedule general check up. We are getting old."

I tried to laugh but it was still hard to breathe, so i ended up coughing like crazy. 

"Jeez, jus, i mean, i have been taking really good care of my self, exercise 3-4 times a week, eat moderatly healthy, i take green juice 2x a day, and shit like this still happened."

Anita said, "yes, it's freaking new teritory. We are not used to how our body react to activities and food these days. Lately i also feel, pain in my bones and i get headache a lot." 

I felt dizzy and said, "yeah, we should start scheduling general check up. My head is spinning." 

She said, "Try to sleep. I'm gonna get my self something to eat."

After she left, the doctor gave me medicine through the iv and soon after i felt better. My head was still spinning, but i can breathe, though the chest pain was still there. I asked to go home immediately and they released me and gave me some medicine. 

I hated yesterday, i didn't want to put it on my blog at first. I rarely get sick. The only times i was hospitalized were when i was 6 because of dengue, then when i deliver my kids, and one i had terrible gastritic problem. So i hated the fact that i broke down over some lame thing like GERD. I ended up posting this because the comment i receive on my last post. I guess it's normal to think that women like me are somewhat super beings, because we rarely post our weak times, or the times when we were overwhelmed over so many things we are required to do. 

Many times over, we women are expected too much. We need to make our husband and kids well fed and happy. We need to have our own self actualization while prolonging our youth, maintaining our body and keeping a somewhat mental stability. So far, i'm always messing one or two things and i'm not sure i'm sane, but as long as people don't realize i'm half mental, i'm fine with that.