Wednesday, 2 April 2014

A little bun in the oven

About a month ago i was going to meet my friends for dinner when i realized that i was "late".

At Pad 28, Vera noticed i didn't order wine, which of course made her ask, whether i want the usual wine and cheese platter. I smiled a little and said, "guess what?"

"What?" She asked normally, like i was just about to tell her a work story.

I said nothing and just stared at her. She stopped dipping her food in the sauce and looked at me. I just smiled at her. She said, "what??" More insistantly. Since she doesn't seem to be getting it, i said, "i'm 9 days late." Took about a second but then she shriek, "whaaat?!!! Well, have you checked? Wanna check now? Tell your driver to buy, there's a pharmacy near here." 
I laughed. I knew that's how she was going to react. The first time i found out i was pregnant with my first, it was the night before her wedding. We girls gathered for  her and help with whatever. She was exactly like this too. 

"Slow down, this time is different. I'm not sure i'm pregnant."

"What? Why?"

"Well, usually when i'm pregnant i can smell things only dogs can smell, and that's way before i was even late. This time i don't feel or smell anything."

"Well, get a test pack and find out. If you are not pregnant you can order this one, it's good!" She said pointing her drink.

Anyway, that night i didn't test my self and we didn't stay out late. On the way home i bought the test pack. 

I was not expecting it would be positive but the next day when i test my self, it did  show 2 bars instead of 1. 

To be honest, i did not feel that i'm ready for a 3rd baby. Noelle was only 16 months old. Too soon. 

When i told my husband, he was stunned too. I know how he felt. Exactly like me. We are not ready for this, especially financialy. 

So we sort of just live the next hours in a daze. Trying to process our feelings. It was the day before our trip to Macau-Hong Kong, so we just shuffle arround packing and barely notice much else. 

I brought Gogirl 9th anniversary issue to read on the plane. I read the article "Tribute to Mothers" that my sister wrote in the magazine. One paragraph stood out and got me thinking the whole plane ride to Hong Kong. It says, our mom is the perfect mom for us and we are the perfect child for her. 

It was in my room, in Macau when i had the epiphany. Our parents was chosen for us, we did not choose our parents. Therefore, there has to be a reason behind it. Parents actually can't choose what kind of children they are going to have and when their children will arrive in the family.  With every birth, there's a role for the child that God wanted them to be. With every birth there's a relationship that God wanted to happen. Between the parents and the child. The parent is suppose to be teaching the child about life, and the child is suppose to teach the parent how to be a better human being. There's love, pain, story, lessons and journey that God wanted to happen. So we shouldn't be affraid, of anything.

If it's God's will that this baby is meant to be in our family, then let His will be done. 

We are ready and happy for this blessing.