Tuesday, 18 October 2016

Being a Girl Boss

I have been more active i Linked In recently, and just like Facebook, Linked In has articles, and i'd read these articles from time to time.

The difference between Facebook and Linked In are these :  Facebook can show you which of your friends who are actually shallow and racist, Linked In can show you who are the most boastful of their achievements and opinions plus you get a sense of how many chauvinist swine that are still alive and well in this world.

Sample : Whenever i declare my self as a feminist, in Facebook i'd be unfollowed and some (may have) branded me bad. Just as bad as communist. In Linked In, I'd be high-fived, or will get in-mail that say things like, " just another girl-power dumb lass"

People still have these rules about being powerful women. They don't even know what feminist means, and a lot associated that word with bad, immature, uncontrollable, wild, disrespectful women. This is just as bad as not knowing Islam and branded them as terrorist,  or not know knowing Christianity and give them derogatory names. the term "Powerful Women" is still associated with cold, ambitious, heartless, political, back-stabber, lonely home, lonely children, etc. The feeling that radiated from you getting the tittle "Powerful Woman" are often contempt, anger, disgust, jealousy, and then you'll hear all these nonsense assumptions about your inability to keep a happy life and a happy home.

Being a "Girl Boss" is no different. In my early days being a boss, i faced so many hatred from lots of vendors that i dealt with. I was given so many names simply for demanding what i have paid for. Though, we all have come a long way in 13 years, but i still get stupid questions whenever i'm seen too busy, go travel, or on business trips. The dumbest yet the most F.A.Q that i get is this, "Your kids, who are they with right now?" or in Bahasa, "Anaknya sama siapa, mba?" Normally i smiled and elaborate where they are and who is taking care of them at the moment (as if that's any of their business), but sometimes, just sometimes i'd like to reply by saying, "yeah, i left them alone, no, actually i neglected them. They are now alone, in the house, without anyone taking care of them, no food, and just let them fend for themselves."

Whenever i give the short version of my child-care-plan-while-mommy-is-busy, i'd still get asked so many questions. So i have to explain, all the time, That, at the moment, their dad/grandparents armed with nannies (plural) and maid and driver are there with them. I have left them with menus, and meal plans, and money too. I've also wrote down emergencies number of each kid's pediatricians, not to mention all kinds of what to do's when kids get a mild fever, or fell sick, or vomiting, or whatever illness that can happen whenever i'm out. Oh btw, i've also left enough entertainment options, study guides, worksheets to study and to play with. I also call my kids from time to time, that even they feel their mommy calls too often.

You'd think people will shut up after hearing this, but alas, no. The next question will be, "Is your husband okay with you being successful?" Zzzz. Snore. People need to come up with other questions. Seriously. My answer would be short, "We attract what we are. If we are insecure women, then we'll attract insecure men. I am an Empress, i attract Kings and Emperors. They like who i am, and they need a partner in life like myself to  build an Empire with. I married a King, and he's proud of his Queen."

I am a girl boss and i am proud of who i am. I don't care about the rules that people try to make me follow. Like the rules that says,
"A women should never be ambitious." (whatever)
"A women should not be too strong, or too gentle. " (huh?)
"A woman should wear power dress or power suit." (i wear what i want, i'll wear that dress because i want to, not because people told me too)
"A professional woman should never look too hot, or too cold." (Baby, I'm just too hot to handle, and too cool care)

I don't care what people think of me. Whenever people say baseless hurtful things, and have this excuse to justify their comments, "Hey, we have the right to say whatever we want." I'd just rolled my eyes and scroll away. None of us has the right to other people's lives and the way they choose to live them. So people look down on you? The only people who will do that, are the insecure ones. The ones that needed other people's admiration. That's why they measure us against their standard. Because within the perimeter of that standard, they feel that they are better than us, and they need people to agree with them.

Seriously, who has time to deal with these people? Remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said :

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

Plus i strongly believe in these saying too :

"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind

So, pardon me when i say, "Off course people have the right to say whatever they want, but i also the right, to not give a shit."

I'm just too busy building my own life, and power ladies, don't we all?


  1. My reaction when reading this post:
    uh huh.. *nod nod... riiight.... yaaaass!
    Thank you for writing this. One thing that makes me sad is, the ones who questioning our life choices are often fellow women and mother. Aren't we supposed to support each other?

    1. Women and mothers are people too. So they can be insecure too. Like i said above, insecure people measure us against their standard. Because within the perimeter of that standard, they feel that they are better than us, and they need people to agree with them. The more people agree with them, the more superior they feel.

      But insecure people disregard one key element : strong people, be it men or women, do not get shaken by what others think of them. Their resolve and happiness do not based on people's approval. So while the haters try to rally against the strong people, they are actually "rempong sendirian". Because the ones they try to bring down, are just too busy, and don't even care.

    2. Halo mbak Nina, I'm so thrilled when I read this. Thank you for writing this bluntly, I mean it's a positive thing where sometimes people need a literal wake up call and not a potentially biased sentences.

      You already inspired me by several years but only today I have a courage to say thank you to you, realizing that the only thing that holding me back is myself and no one else.

      I really want to shoot you an email but I can't find it anywhere. So here I am, sending love to you through the comment box. I hope you could accept & read my gratitude feelings.

      Thank you for being honest, thank you for keep doing entrepreneurship till now. You set examples and it speaks louder than the words itself. Thank you for being a mom and still hard working on your dream. I hope one day we'll meet, I'll hug you hard & have a good time together.

      Vinka Maharani