Sunday, 22 June 2014

Baby Weight Blues

Ok, first of all, i need to update that i am currently 22 weeks pregnant and already weighted 60kg. Before you say, "of that's okay, you are pregnant" or whatever, let's remember that i'm a hobbit. I am only 148cm in height. So i look like a tween model in 38kg, a normal asian person in 45kg. Overweight in 50kg, and in 60kg? Well... A baby orca whale without the cuteness factor.

I'm constantly bugging my husband with the question all males hate, "do i look fat?". I know it's starting to get to him, but this is our 3rd baby, so he's very well trained in this area. He knows what expression to post on his face, which gesture, and what to say. I'm grateful that this time arround he even succesfully made me laugh several times even though i was in my most sullen moods. 

But that only lead to me being too dependent on him. I can't be happy unless he's arround. Correction, i can't be at ease when he's not near. It bugs the crap out of me when he wakes up before i do and go downstairs for coffee. Pregnancy is weird. 

It doesnt help that the last time i was pregnant, i was already in my 37 week in this weight. I keep feeling my legs aching and getting in and out of a car is hell. And i'm only 22 weeks, 16 more to go. Which means i could be a teen whale by the time i gave birth to my third angel. 

Don't get me wrong. I loooove my kids. I'm quite excited to meet my third baby. I just dreaded the pregnant phase. It made me feel bad for saying that for so many reasons. But, it's hard to feel chirpy and bubbly when i feel ugly and heavy, and no clothes can fit me. 

Before my sister had her babies, i was miserable only because my first pregnancy was trully hard. I was still in all-day sickness mode up to my 30th week. But when Anita got pregnant, she was not only still pretty, she was also still very skinny. To this day if you look at her, you wouldn't believe she's 32 and have 2 kids. If you don't belive me, check out her instagram page @anita_moran. Life's unfair.

I read somewhere that if you used to be a fat kid, and then you eat right and excercise and lost all those weight, it will still take years for your self image to catch up with you physic. So you will still feel you are the fat kid, even though you are not anymore. I wonder if that's the same with the process of getting older. Because i still feel like i'm 22 and weighted 43kg. The problem is, what i see in the mirror is conflicted with my self image. I think that's probably i made so much fuss. 

in my last coaching session, our coach shared the cause of all misery. Our ideal is not the same as our reality. That's how we became angry or depressed. In this case then i say, that theory is spot on! They say to escape anger and depression we gotta change our habit and mindset. The easiest thing i should do is, think happy thoughts.

Oh well, this is what happened when i don't work. I overthink things when i should be resting. I should go to mom&jo to have my achy body & feet massaged. Or go to heaven (it's books & beyond in karawaci), or sleep, or go to alam sutera and immersed my self in cotton on kids departement. Soon IKEA will open nearby, and i get to go there anytime i want to. 

Now that, is a very happy thought indeed.

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