Manouvers

Despite the many ups and down that we have faced in the last 11 years building Gogirl, i never get used to the sickness in my stomach, whenever i know that chalenging time is ahead.

We just received a letter from Dirjen Pajak, replying to our plea. They denied it. And that, obviously is a very gloomy letter. This year has been a very good year, but our profits is sucked away to pay our taxes. In april alone we had to pay so much money for tax. Every time i remember how much, i really want to cry. 

Things that many entrepreneurs tend to neglect are taxations. Mainly because, we didn't think that our little business can actually be big someday. As we thrive, we forget to be dilligent in book keeping and taxations. In 2009, we lost a lot of invoice and documentations, both soft copy and hard copies. So when the government asked about our reports, we lost a lot of the documentations.

I remember that day, a year ago. I wish i could say that it was a grey rainy day. So that i can give you the right background, the right ambiance, when i heard for the first time, that i, 9 months pregnant and all, could be going to jail, because of taxation. 

Stressed? To say the least. All this taxation mess is of course our own doing. We hated talking about accounting and tax and didn't pay enough attention about the whole thing. You might say, "but you are in business for a decade now, how could you not know or not take care of taxations?"

But that's the truth. I was that careless. I was that stupid. I signed documents in the past without reading or caring what i was signing. It all changed in 2012-2013. But the times before that, it was black hole of mess.

Now, the carelessness in the past has come forward as consequence. We had to pay. The taxes that we owed the government plus 100% fine. So we have been paying and paying every month. I feel like the government is taking all the money we earned with blood, sweat, tears and major dramas. I'm trying not to be depressed right now.

.......

I know it's my fault. I have changed. But the consequence of the past is still and will still be turning the unicorn, ice creams, and rainbows in my head into a grey, unmoving wallpaper. Yeah, normaly my world (in my head) is mostly willy wonka meet cloudy with a chance of meatball 2, very animated, and colorful. They are very still and very grey right now.

Anyway, i don't have the luxury to be depressed. Tomorrow is andrew's birthday, and i have to run errands. Maybe i'll sneak in some MFB before coaching. Oh right, i have coaching today. Sometimes coaching is almost like theraphy too. And i'm thankful for that.

Here goes another day. Up and about, Nin!

To my children

My dear children, this is a letter for your future self. For you to read when you are 12, 15, 17, 20, 22, 26, 30.

My dearests, 

Never live your lives to make me proud. That goal is too easy. I am your mom, and there are things that you do that can make me angry or sad, but i will always be proud of you guys. All of you. I am your first and biggest fan. That's why making me proud should not be the goal of your life. 

You see, from the moment you open your eyes, the moment you showed me you gummy smile, the times you tried to sit yourself, or crawl, or stand, i was and will always be in awe. Your every tiny accomplishments brought tears to my eyes. I was proud of you and i can't believe you are my children. I feel so blessed just by seeing the times you stumble and fall and try again. 

I also don't care about what you choose to be your profession. As long as you always try to be the best at it. As long as you work hard, and do your work with dignity and integrity, and if what you do makes you happy, then go ahead. 

If there's ever anything that i hope for you is to live your lives to the fullest. Be accountable and generous. You are beautiful and full of potential and therefor it is our job in this earth to realized them. Thats what living your lives with a purpose meant. 

Never do anything for money and status (even as simple as doing something just to look cool), and stay away from people who do. Instead, Do what you love, success will follow. Believe in yourselves, because your potential comes from the highest power of all. God. So, in your lowest low, and toughest time, always bring your struggle, pain and doubt to God. I am merely your cheerleader in this world, but God is the one and only that you ever really need both in joyous and trying times.

Be grateful, always. Because a grateful heart can turned everything around, gave you perspectives, strenght, warmth, and happiness. 

Do kind things to everyone, even though people judge you and are mean to you. What they say and do only showed their character, and what we say and do showed ours. It is okay to be sad and hurt, but never let anything or anyone ruin who you are, and who you can be. Pray. Ask for strength, so that no matter what, we can be generous, honest, and do exceptionally good things.

Make time for people who love you and waste no time for anything or anyone that does not grow you or make you happy. Respect and appreciate people no matter what their social status are, and stay away from people who are not genuinely nice to the unfortunate. 

Be humble my dearests, above all, be humble and loving. It's okay to be proud of your accomplishment but we can only be good at several things. We can be better than people in a few things. But we can't be good at everything. We can be the best chef in the world but really stupid when it comes to driving. We can be a genius negotiator but know nothing about design. You see, everyone is to be honored and appreciated because we all play our roles that made this world complete. We are not better than anyone, because we are suppossed to learn from, teach, and experience each other. 

One more thing my dearest, know that i love you. You will know how much when you have children of your own. That's when you trully know that i love you, beyond this time and space. No matter what, no matter when. I love you. 

Now go, and live your lives.

I'm so proud of my husband!

You know, you'd be surprise how little we hear about married couple boasting about their spouse. The longer the marriage, the rarer it is you hear genuine compliments about people's other half. 

Not talking about : "she's kind", "a good mother to my children" or "he's just a family man", kind of compliments. But the stuff that made you see why she or he married the-supposedly-love of their lives. 

So this time i'm gonna tell the world why. 

Today, my husband told me a work story. He said, "i just fired someone today. Or rather, i threw him out." 

At first i wasn't paying attention. But then i put down my phone and ask.

"Who?"

"One of the freelancers."

"What happened?"

"He made very rude comments about the sales promotion girls that we are going to hire."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he's one of XXXX crew, and he's suppossed to be the coordinators of the SPGs. As he was calling out the girls, he started making comments. Ok 2 million will be okay for this group."

I didn't get it. But it felt offensive in a way.

My husband then elaborate, "That's how some men talk, when they talk about prostitutes. Like that's how much these girls worth."

My jaw dropped. Speachless.

He continued.

"It was in the middle of a briefing so, even though i felt like throwing my laptop to his face, i said nothing. But then, after, i heard him continue this by trying to get other men join in on his jokes. So i called xxxx, and told her i don't want him in this project. Xxxx said it was just a joke. So i told her, either you fired him or i fired you and your whole crew."

I was bewildered. Shocked. I can't imagine what i would say if i were there. I would definitely won't  be as collected as my husband. I would definitely put that guy in his place! And i would definitely scolded the woman who's in charge of the guy. Seriously? it's bad enough that the guy is verbally harassing girls in public, the woman who brought him in thought it was okay for him to do that. Jeez! When i get back to work, i will renew our contract draft with everyone we work with. Strictly no harrasment tolerated. That woman is going to hear from me for sure!

Anyway. My husband then, said, "I didn't fire him in public but after i talked to xxxx, i apologized to the girls. I made HR talked and apologizes to the girls as well. Although the man was not our employee, but he's our Event Organizer's crew, so, i still feel obligated to say sorry."

Ladies and gentlemen, that's my husband. Maybe some men will do nothing, or probably just scolded the guy. He threw him out of the project, and threatened  to fire his boss if she does not comply. This has deeper merit than it already is. The project is on, starting tonight! So the fact that he's willing to risk having to go on this project alone without our event organizers and their freelancers, that's crazy and totally ballsy!  I have so much respect for him!

So yeah, i beamed and told him straight, "i'm very proud of you!"

I really am.