Like most women, i have not found peace with aging. I try to be classy and accepting, but i freak each time i found one single strand of white hair. Lately i groan at wrinkles forming around my eyes, the dark spots that's more pronounced every month, plus the ones that literally brought tears to my SOUL, are the clothes that look good on me.
Oh the clothes! *sigh* Mind you, this is where the bitching starts.
I notice people's clothes. I mean i went to see Spectre and all i saw was, the suits now very tight cut, and the pants are skinny pants. Plus Bond's suits mostly patterned. I also noticed how the girl always wear apropriate outfit for every scene. She was supposed to be taken without notice, but she managed a button down white dress that matches her chloe bag. Not the action scene, or the love scene. Just the clothes. So, it's not surprising that i notice people's clothes when i sit everywhere. Now and then i would notice those women. From the back they were skinny or normal weight, with normal to great hair, looking about in their early twenties. And then they turn arround and you can see that they were probably in their early forties. (You can't cheat your bone structure no matter how good and expensive your night cream is). What's the problem? The problems were, depending where i sat people watching, i would notice these women wearing clothes, that-although definitely looked great on them- just innapropriate. It's just weird seeing a grown woman trying to look 17-20. Like wearing doc mart, with shorts and t-shirt, like we all used to dress, way back in the 90s (and adopted by the teen trend right now).
Believe me, many many times i stood around the aisles of zara or debenhams looking at several pieces that i used to wear as teens, and believing i can still pull off the look. I have lost a lot of baby weight right now, so some of those outfit can actually look good on me. That is, from shoulder down. But if you look up to my neck and face, then it'd be weird at best, pathetic at worst.
The lady that i've been cringing lately is J-Lo. I mean, i get it Jen, you are hot, your body and skin are better now than when you were in your twenties. But enough with the sheer clothes and bodysuits already. I also get it, in holywood you need to be HOT and YOUNG all the time, but you can be hot without that ridiculus Dsquared jumpsuit. Plus your music is awesome on it's own and you got nothing to prove to people anymore. I just don't get it.
But you see, the anger toward Jen and other women is mostly because, GOD, i feel like i can turn into them any minute now. Since i still have not accept getting older, i'm so afraid, soon, i'll turn into them. I am desperate on the inside already. I'm afraid that one of these days i would buy that white 8 holes docmart and pick up my son in a short jeans and bon jovi cut out t-shirt. Let's not forget the round sun glasses too.
Now this writing isn't addresses to the Joan Jett or Anna Dello Russo ladies out there. The Goddesses that can carry a mohawk till the day they die. You know the women like my friend Tika Larasati, the singer or Diana Rikasari the blogger. I mean that's just who they are, you know. It'd be weird seeing them in pencil skirt, or anything like that.
No this writing is meant for us. The mere mortals, who need to learn to evolve as we get older. By we, i mean, mostly me.
I just think, i need to learn to accept getting older. I have come to terms being called aunty (lied. I still cringe at the word as i type it). Maybe i should accept that, it's ok to like and wear Chanel Gst in public. Forgive me, Chanel Gst owners, they are my form of proclamation that i'm in an aunty/mom age, and i'm weirdly, not ready to do that. I know. All this, is in my head. I'm freaking insane.
What weird and hypocrite human i am. I always tell women to be who they are, wear what they like, no matter what. Here i am, judging my self and others for our choices in clothing when it's not age-appropriate. Though i do wonder, when do our choices start to look patheticly trying too hard? Is there ever a line?
Maybe in my next post i shall post what i see as pathetic and not. Of course that would just be my opinion, and i'm pretty sure i'm batshit crazy. So it wont matter a bit.
Still, it could be a good practice of knowing my self a little more. Maybe. We'll see.