Wednesday, 13 April 2016

Motherhood isn't all there is

Most of the time being a mom is crazy, but i want to talk about, have the new generation of moms had gone crazy? The reason for this question is, I found out that a lot of new moms now thinks that it's not cool to work and or it's not cool to have nannies.

For me, those believes are just, weird. It's different if you really love being a house mom, or if you simply can't afford nannies. But if you don't work or don't want a nanny just because it's uncool (what?), it's just weird.

Look i'm not here to say, those believes are wrong. I'm just saying doing anything for the wrong reason is bad. The wrong reason here : to get approval from our peers. To be seen as a cool mom, a wonder woman. It gets worse when moms look down on other moms for not being cool. Seriously, are we all still in high school or what?

I think, we were put in this world to do what God intended us to when He created us. We are women, and that makes us daughters, sisters, wives, moms, and grandmas. But those were not the only things that God intended us to become. That's why we have talents. It was given so that we can grow, to realized our potential, to be God hands in this world.

Sometimes it drives me crazy when some friends' only posts are how smart, how deep, how religious their children are. Don't get me wrong. We are moms after all, we are our kids' number one fan. I get it. I'm like that too. The thing that bugs me is when the kid became my friends' entire life. So much so, that their words and captions made me think : "Probably these kids are used as a measurement of what great mothers they are." I mean, even when people don't work, i don't believe in not having anything else than the kid. Kids are God's gifts, they are one of the greatest things that happen in our lives, but again, they are not the only ones. When we throw away our talent and not do anything to hone it, it's really such a waste. A waste of time, a waste of potential, and a waste of God's purpose.

What if we are a good cook, maybe God had intended us to be a chef or a caterer, or a restauranteur. We could be God hands in creating cook books, great cuisines, inspire people, create jobs, etc. Instead, we cower behind these thoughts "what would my friends think of me if i'm busy? or "people will think i'm not a dedicated mom if i have nannies to help me."

In my family, the women are always busy. Our moms and aunties might not always work in an office, but they do work or have their own businesses and they hired help (mba or nannies). They didn't (and still don't) hide behind the stereotype of working women, which i'm sure were even greater at their time. By the way, despite being busy, their children grew out alright. Some, even better than alright.

It really made me sad to see this trend. When will we women really be free to realized our full potential, if now, it's the other women (not just men like it used to) who became the barriers that hinder a lot of us to do more?

Having 3 kids, i'm seeing that, even if my children can get attached to their nannies, they still have great bonds with me. We have quality times and it's all about being discipline with our time. That's why i don't really have pictures of me playing with my kids. Because when i'm home or going out with them, my phone usually no where near me. We have huge sofa at home and most of the time we cuddle together under blankets to watch their favorite episode of Larva or Peppa Pig for the 1198 times. When i talk to andrew about values and important things, i very rarely post them. When i went out with noelle to go shopping, i don't post how cute she was when she tried on multiple clothes. When i'm with them, i'm with them.

Pretty soon, kids have their own friends and activities. Andrew have been nagging me to let him take drum and guitar classes, noelle loves to dance, so is her sister. They all love swimming lessons too. When they do, i sometimes go with them, but a lot of times i made them make friends. Join other kids, so that they become independent kids. When i got home from work, everybody are dying to share stories of their day. My children, well, andrew is proud of my achievements too. More than once he told me how awesome my job is, and he insisted on coming with me on my book tours and told everyone, "That's my mom!"

So it's really about showing our love and making time for them. It really is not anybody else's business how we mother our kids and we should not seek their approval. (Don't get me started on moms who think that just because they delivered their babies normally meant they are better moms than the ones delivered with c-section method) We will make so many mistakes in our lives, but maybe we shouldn't make the unnecessary ones, like letting people's opinion dictate our lives.

We have a duty to God to realized His plans and intentions for us. Because, whatever talents and purpose that God intended for us, it is a great plan. A blueprint of greatness. Greater than what we can ever imagine. Greater than what we deemed ourselves worthy. Who are we to deny that? Why would we want to deny God's purpose, for the sake of looking like a cool mom?

Shouldn't we start asking, "Why did God gave me these talents? What did He want me to do with it? What do God wanted me to become?"

Shouldn't we begin the real journey of finding the true purpose, of why we were put in this world?

Because we really can, you know, be all that we can be and have it all.


  1. Sometimes I think today generation are too judgemental (even myself sometimes, haha!). I was once think about being an "ideal" mom, but what exactly "ideal" means, right? Everyone works on their own, there's no right or wrong.
    Thank you, Kak Nina for your insights!