Thursday, 28 April 2016

Love at 36

It's always hard to write about love. Because no matter how strong we are, when it comes to love, it's another matter entirely. 

In a series that i'm following, one of the character asked,"Do you know how rare love is?" And i thought. That's not true. Love is all around. But then AADC2 released yesterday, and i'm having trouble thinking who to go watch the movie with. 

My expectation about this movie, udah pasti bikin baper! plus the plot of unresolved love between the main characters made me suspect they would talk about that and i expected happy ending. I'm happy in my marriage but my closest friends aren't so lucky right now. A lot of them are dealing with painful matters in their marriages. So, i don't have the heart to take them to see this love story. It would probably be too painful to see. 

Love at the mid 30s is complicated. There are way too many factors that we can't just simply point on what went wrong, when, how, or whose fault it is. In marriage we need to say sorry all the time. Even when we don't believe that it's our fault. We just say it. A lot. We need to forgive a lot too. 

After 5,5 years of dating, and 9 years of marriage i can say things are not as they used to. The butterflies, no longer there. They left long ago, but another creature took their place. Probably a dog or a bear. I don't know. The animal is imaginary anyway. That creature that resides in my stomach became a warmth familiarity. For me, my stomach does not do sommersaults anymore when i see him. But i feel like, i'm home whenever i see him. I can't sleep when he's out of town, even if i do, i'd wake up in the middle of the night looking for him.

The tingle i feel when every touch is new, not there anymore. But i still long for his embrace everyday. 

Love is boring in the mid 30s. Specially when you are happy. But then i remember that quote again. That love is rare. So, now, more than ever, i value it. 

Believe it or not, i'm still embarassed to say romantic things towards my husband. Just last night i looked at him, and i wanted to say, "I just want you to know, that i appreciate you. More than you know." But i didn't say anything. I just stared. He then say, "what?". I said, "Nothing. I love you." He said automatically, without looking away from the game he's playing on his phone, "love you too. Come here." gestured me to lay my head on his shoulder. I did. Then i turned on netflix and started my favorite series. He pull a blanket over me with one hand. Again without looking away from his game. 

Well, that's pretty much romance in my home. Sometimes we talk for hours, but most nights are like that. We still go out and stuff, but it's different when you are older. I guess. 

That could be dissapointing for some people. But i'm happy. That's more than what a lot of my friends have these days. Plus i'm trying not to take familiarity for granted. I'm just grateful for what we have right now. Our story is not what movies are made of, but it's real. It has it's rollercoaster ups and downs, And it is, LOVE.

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