Thursday, 2 June 2016


A few days ago i wrote that i feel like i'm on the way to something big. This feeling has got me to act confused. So i thought, i better jot down what is it that my mind seemed to be so busy thinking and my soul busy feeling.

I'm scared..
I have big dreams, and every time i think about the dreams, it made me want to cry. Every time i close my eyes i see my name, and my self on a big stage. Aprilis Conference in 37 countries. Not only in Indonesia, i see my self speaking, on stage in Rio, Amsterdam, Paris, London, Budapest, Somewhere in Norway, Las Vegas, somewhere in Italy, Greece, i see lights, i see my self in a state of wonder that things can happen. I see my self dedicating each conference for my children. I see my self saying, "and lastly, as always, this is for you my kids, Andrew, Noelle, Bela, i have proven my times over that dreams can come true, We just have to start believing in it, and believing in the power of God to make our greatest of intentions come to live."
I see this vision every morning, every time i'm alone, every time my mind drift away. For that many moments in my out of body state, i truly believe it. i truly believe it's going to be. And then i went back to my body, and saw how crazy i am to have these feelings. I feel a big urge to delete this as i write it. Because of the Agnez Mo situation, i'm scared of telling the whole world my dream. You know right, Agnez monica had stated so many years ago that she will go international, and until today, people still hung up on her words, and mock her dreams. Some laugh and think she's full of shit. People don't understand that she might still be on her journey. That's seems to be what happen when you anounce your big dreams, people give you a timeline on when you should achieve it. I'm scared to write down and admit my dreams because i'm afraid people will take me up on it. In my mind, it's going to take probably decades to get to that dream, but, people may think i'm going to make this happen soon or under 5 years. I'm scared that i'll be branded full of shit. I'm afraid that i will make my self believe, that i am full of shit.

Gosh, all this thoughts is tiring me.

I have so much to do, but my mind is taking me else where.


  1. I also afraid to tell my dream or something that I want to reach. After thinking for a long time, I found that it because I am afraid to take responsibility to prove that I can reach it. Let's being present as a start :D

  2. Biasanya orang2 yang suka mencibir mimpi orang lain, mereka itu looser. Hidupnya ga jelas tujuannya mau kemana dan mereka berusaha memanipulasi orang2 yg bermimpi besar.

    Aku sih selalu menanamkan affirmasi yakin mimpiku tercapai. Kapannya hanya Tuhan yg berhak mengatur.