Whattaday!

11 March, it seems is always destined to be historic. 

Soon as i entered the office, work was waiting. Anita and i had to brief a newbie on her first day. It didn't take long but we had other things on our schedule and was running late. 

At 11.00 We had our business coaching with Action Coach South Jakarta. It was a gruelling session. We were asked what potential problem that we might be facing in the next 2 weeks. Sometimes in these sessions we got into heated debates. Because our coach normally ask questions and we cant avoid them. So some frustrations that was probably unspoken, surfaced in those sessions. Last session was like that. We are going through a massive change in our company, and the change has a deadline. March 27th. As it draws near, our tension rise. I mean in the past 2 weeks alone, i have had at least 1 person everyday, coming to my office wanting to resign. Including Anita & Larry. So yes, it is that frustrating. 

But i'm a veteran in this field. Leading change, dealing with stressed people, crying people, mad out of their skull people.

So, by far, i can handle it. But, at coaching session, well, that's another story. 

I was still trying to get my head straight when the session was over. Gotta run to St.John Meruya. Andrew's admission test is at 14.30 and we had arrange a rendezvous with him at Mega Kebon Jeruk. Hunger took us over, so we made a quick stop at Subscribe. Ate in a flash and off. 

Andrew was suspiciously warm. I have a feeling he's coming down with throat infection but he seems to not fret at all. I thought, i could be just paranoid. 

Anyway, he was taken to the library to do his test, while my husband and i was interviewed in another room. I was pleasantly surprised. They were thorough. They ask what kind of child is Andrew? Does he respond to flattery or encouragement? Does he have any learning difficulties? Is he in therapy? Is he on any treatment or medication? What kind of things he's interested in? Is he more verbal or quiet? Is he inherently shy? Does he ever had any trouble making friends? I like that they took the time to get to know the kid and ask what's normally work for him.

Ah, time flies, and we must proceed to St. Mikael Church. We have to attend the mass in preparation of Freija's baptizm. We were hungry, tired, and sleepy. But this is compulsory. So we braced ourselves to "jet off" to the next Galaxy, known as Bekasi. 

We were late. And instead of running toward the church, i took another minute to.. umm take some pictures ;p 

Anyhow, we were fortunate that the procession did not take very long. But we have to hurry along to BSD. It was 18.10 and Githa is going to have a c-section at 21.00

You guessed it, we didn't reach the hospital on time. Githa was just pulled into the OR when we got there. 

While we were waiting. I thought about my entire day. BSD-Kantor-Belleza-Meruya-Bekasi-BSD. So tired. 

2 Hours later, the prince arrive. My newborn nephew Nioka Sadali Elmesa cried loud and clear. I can't ask for a more beautiful end of the day. I cried a little, seeing my baby sister, turned into a mother.

Thank You God. For this beautiful day.

School Hunting

The tittle said it all. As the moving date to our new home drawing nearer, it's time for me to find new school for Andrew & Noelle. The task is daunting. My husband wanted the kids to be schooled in english environment, but he wants the school to be grounded (good mix between all social class), discipline, minimum top 20 in jakarta selatan or jakarta barat, and it can not be outragiously expensive.

Impossible? Well as a high D person, i love a challenge. So there i was, searching, to the corners of internet jungle for a list. List of the best elementary school in jakarta selatan & jakarta barat. 

What i found over and over again is a list of the best school based on their accreditation score. Which does not mean much for me. We wanted school with proven healthy environment & achievement (in academic & extracurricular thingy). We don't care much with facility. I mean, better teachers & driven friends are better than better facility. At least for us. 

At last! I found a list of elementary school scores on the last UN result! Eureka! :D

This list, of course shows only the school academic success. But then it made it easier for me to cross-reference it with my husband's requirements. I highlighted the ones i'm familiar with. Google a lot of school locations, made some calls to the ones near to our new home.

Finally it came down to 2 options. St.John Meruya or Permata Harapan Joglo for Andrew. Because both nearest to our home, english based, great-good academic & non academic achievements, good social class mix, and most importantly, AFFORDABLE!

Most english based school charge tuition fee in the range of 3,5-12 mio per month Development fee? They range from 12 mio to 120mio. All not including books, uniform, projects & extracurricular fees.

SD permata harapan ask 21 mio for development fee, 2,1mio tuition fee. St.John ask for 9 mio development fee, and 1,880 mio tuition fee. All not including books, uniform, projects & extracurricular fees. 

St.John is our first choice, because they are better in overall achievements, yet cheaper, aaand, Andrew is from St.John BSD, so he will be very familiar with St.John's curriculum. It's just, the route to st.john is potentially very jammed in the morning. 

For Noelle, i have my heart set on ISMILE in Belleza Permata Hijau. Unfortunately my wallet isn't in agreement with my heart. They charge 1200 Usd development fee (have to be paid every year!) plus 1200 usd tuition fee (for 3 months). *sad*

For Andrew, i don't feel bad choosing St.John, because it really is a good school, they just happen to be cheap too. But for Noelle, i feel guilty if i don't send her to ISMILE and have several Chanels & Louboutins in my closet. I argued with my husband, that 1 bag can finance Noelle's school for 1 year! I would rather sell the bags than send her to other school (drama ensued). 

My husband then asked, "what would you give for Freija then? Wont this conversation be repeated in 3 years? And remember, at that time we need to prepare for Andrew's Junior High fees etc. Will you then sell all your designer things for international schools? Can't you find schools like st.john for Noelle & Freija?"

*sigh*

To be honest, i kind of like Kinderfield in Joglo. Ruby goes to that school, and Anita sent her there based on my recommendation. It's a good school, i went there, did trials 2 years ago, even nearer to our house than Ismile & St.John. It asked only 6mio development fee and 1,5 tuition fee. Much cheaper than Ismile. I just... Feel so much guilt.

I berate my self, "Why aren't you doing everything you can for Noelle?"

Then i heard my dad's voice in my head. It's a memory of one conversation we had in the past.

"Nin, i didn't send you to the best and expensive school didn't i? At the time, everyone was sending their kids to Gandhi or JIS, but i didn't. I sent you to the best school that i can afford, and look how you and your sister turned out."

I understand that. I guess. Looking back, Tarakanita was a very discipline school. They did a lot of character building, that i can still identify in my character right now. I guess, how my sisters and i turned out also relied heavily on our parents values. school shaped our way of thinking. Our parents shaped our will, intentions and our hearts. 

I can't just choose the best school and be done with it. But, am i a bad mother if i send them to less expensive school? Does my intense participation in their education enough to compansate the (school quality) difference? 

I don't know. I still can't shake the guilt. But i have to make the decision today. 

Eternal Youth

If you look at that picture (taken earlier today). How old do you think i am?

Most people think that i'm in my late 20s, mostly say 28. Well, actually i'm going to be 36 in August this year.

*shock* ?

I normally hate the number of my age. No matter how many books i read about what a blessing getting older is, i'm still terrified of this process. I heard i'm going to still feel this way until i reach my sixties. 

It is such a bleak future to gaze upon, if i, like most women choose to go down that road of denial. Even so, it's still the path that i'm drawn to. Like a moth to the flame and so forth, i feel the pull to hating the aging process is stronger than the path of gracefull acceptance.

That being said, i do sometimes hated the way that most people (well, most older people) in the industry still literally call me "anak ingusan". I mean, "seriously?"

I dragged the times i have to say that i am actually 35, a mother of 3, with more than 14 years of entrepreneurial experiences. Only when i introduces my self that way, then the energy in the room will shift. After the usual, "What? Really?" the men will then stared blankly, and the women made obvious mental note to ask my beauty regimes later. But after that moment passed, then the discussion become very different. I'll be seen and talked to as equals. Not as the new kid, who's only there for the food.

So, at this point, i don't know whether i wanna be eternally young (i do I DO! - heart) (shut up, you are not making sense!-head). I mean, yeah, i wanna always look 22 (face, body, umm specially boobs), have the energy of a 22 too, but i want the respect people gave to 42 year old woman, forever. I'd say, that's wishfull thinking, but i don't believe in impossibility anymore. 

So, we'll see.

Halfway there

I think success is weird. When you first got your big break, your people will first congratulate you, be genuinely happy for you. But then, you escalate even more, then you start to see them disappear. People you don't know start to name drop your name. People you never met claim to know you. Sometimes, i would see an old friend that was one of my big supporter in the beginning, but now become quite bitter with my success. i wonder. I wonder. My success is really nothing compare to a lot of other's and i wonder. What it's like for them? Sometimes, this simple things made me feel like i don't want to be more than i am right now. But, i know too much, that God wanted me to create more than this, to be more, to give more, to serve more. 

I am generally a brave person. But time and time again, i have to admit, that many times i don't take on more opportunities because i know i'm going to do so well with it, and it will make me more successful and wealthy someday. I am afraid that people will isolate me. I am afraid to find out, wether it really is lonely at the top.