Monday, 7 March 2016

Acceptance in everyday marriage life

When i was in Sydney, a friend pointed out how my husband and i have nothing in common. She and her husband are two of my husband's oldest friends. They know each other since junior high. So of course they know a lot about him. They have met me several times during the course of probably 12 years or so. They pretty accurately observed how different i am with my husband. 

She asked, "So how is it that you guys managed to stay together all this time?" I said, "You are right. We have nothing in common except for our deeper values. I used to want him to be someone he's not. But now i'm happy. I accepted and love who he is. I take the bad with the good." 

The key really is acceptance. Thats the next step that we did after we learn to communicate. After the listening, came the acceptance. 

Yesterday we celebrate our 15th dating anniversary (Yes we celebrate 2 anniversaries a year. Our dating and wedding anniversary). It's been 15 years since we started going out and that should mean a real celebration. Yet, after we said happy anniversary and promised each other that we'll have dinner, we continued to work. 

It was probably about 9-ish in the morning, but i was already tired. It's been a tough week. Not bad. But i'm an introvert, so last week, was exhausting for me. I didn't realized it at first, but apparently i became impatient yesterday. My husband pointed it out, "OMG, why are you so cranky today?". 

I said, "What? You asked too many questions? you are pushing me!".

He was bewildered and said, "What? i'm just throwing in ideas, it's just questions."

I said, "To me, questions are problems that i need to solve. Bring me answers. Answers are solutions. Not questions. Don't bring me more problems."

He said, "Jeez." The he paused a few seconds and said, "You are tired. That's why you are angry all the time."

I didn't debate him. I refocussed and the discussions started. It was not untill i got home that i realized how tired i was. I was laying on our big sofa and i couldn't bring my self to get up. My husband asked if i'm still angry. I said no. I was just too tired that i just can't bring my self to get up, take a bath and sleep. He approached, stood me up and walked me to our room. I was already 1/2 asleep.

It's amazing still, that even though i tried my best to be friendlier, open, meet and spend time with people, even when i do enjoyed all those times, the activities took their toll on me. I haven't had any alone time for 10 days and my body was exhausted just because i have to be arround people. My husband on the other hand is an extrovert. So last week had him fired up, refreshed, and well charged, hence, all the energy and questions. Very contrast to me. I know.

I was lucky that my husband knew me well. He immediately registered that i was tired. He knew instictively, i guess, after 15 years together, and he accepted that, his wife is a real pain in the ass at these times. I'm sure glad that he did.

I should have said sorry for being a bitch last night. But i was fast asleep right after i hit the bed. I will wa him now to apologize. We should make time to celebrate our dating anniversary tonight. Ok, gtg, i'm gonna go search for a dinner place.

1 comment:

  1. I am a new comer in marriage life, acceptance is one of the important lessons that I should learn every single day. Thank you for writing this, Kak Nina. Happy dating anniversary!